wanting, needing

Lately I am really struggling with "things". Things I want, things the kids want, things I think we need.

Being home right now is a struggle. But the reality is that all our basic needs are met. Our bills are paid and we have plenty of food. I love the idea of living simply, I really do. But I cannot help but want "things" not only for the kids but...and I hate to admit it...I want stuff for me too.

I knew that we could never afford private school so we made lots of sacrifices to live in a more exclusive area of our city. Property taxes are higher, therefore more money for the schools (at least that is how it works here). There have been lots of positives to this choice. But, on that same note there are negative. The kids are around lots of other very privileged children. Starting in kindergaren we would letters home reminding us to please make sure the kids had the mobile phones on silent during class. In Kindergarten! My 5th, 7th, 8th grader are not exaggerating when they say they are one of the few without an iPhone or Android of some sort. When my daughter was in the 5th grade there were already girls with highlights and weekly manicures. Uggs, Hollister, Coach backpacks...the list goes on. When I drop my middle schoolers off at school you are hard pressed to find a car that is not Lexus, BMW, Mercedes, etc.

I am not in any way saying any of this is bad. But the simple fact is I cannot provide all that to my children. My kids do have lots of extras but I am trying to teach them to work for these things. The 4 older children have iPod touches BUT they bought them with their own money they saved. My daughter has tons of clothes from Hollister BUT she bought them on clearance. I am trying to teach her you can get one shirt for $30 or 3 shirts on clearance for $10 each. I really cannot even begin the overindulgence around here. But on that same note, even if I did have the money, I do not just believe in overindulging for no reason. I want to raise my kids to be hardworking and NOT have a sense of entitlement.

The hard thing is that *I* am greedy at times and *I* want things myself. Most of the stay at home moms I know have housekeepers, personal trainers, and wardrobes with nothing but Ann Taylor and White House Black Market. I do not need a Petunia Pickle Bottom diaper bag or an Uppa Baby Vista stroller. But cannot help but feel sort of envious of those that do have those things. I want those things even though I do not need them. Total "First World Problem", I know. Wrong or right, I am just being honest.

I am home with my baby for the time being. That is what is important. I know this, I really do. But I cannot help but want "things". This is my struggle right now. :/

Kid Casino

Tonight we attended an end of the season football banquet for my 7 year old. It was held at one of those establishments I like to refer to as a kid casino. A kid casino is one of those awful places with loud games, terrible food, and kids running around like animals (AKA Chuck.E.Cheese, Pistol Pete's Pizza, Itz, etc). Our kid casino is Itz. These places should be required to give each parent a mug of beer and an Xanax upon entry. Seriously.

My children of course love places like this. And really, why wouldn't they? They get unlimited refills of soda and dessert...mainly because I am too distracted from all the mayhem to keep track of how much they are eating and drinking. Then there all the games with those stupid tickets. And of course they can buy toys with all the tickets they earn. Never mind that they just blew a $20 game card to buy one bouncy ball. I am pretty sure we can get a whole bag of bouncy balls for 5 bucks at Target. Ugh.

The food is terrible but I choked it down because I was forced to spend $10 on a meal for myself therefore feel obligated to eat. My husband was too full to eat but you are forced to buy a buffet for everyone so I made him at least eat his weight in jello.

Tonight I was so excited to find out the kid casino serves coffee. I love coffee. Good coffee, bad coffee, I do not care. I would drink coffee all day instead of eat food. Let's be clear. I am ridiculously addicted to coffee. As I settled down to drink my coffee, I managed to knock it over...all over myself, my diaper bag, and the baby's blanket (the Aden and Anais blankets I splurged on). Awesome.

3 hours later we emerged $60 poorer. The kids hopped up on soda and dessert. Baby crying and over stimulated. Kids ecstatic with their $20 bouncy balls and fake vampire teeth. Mom and dad exhausted and looking for the nearest liquor store.

We get to do it again in 2 weeks at our 11 year old's end of the season football party.

*sigh*

Mom to five (!)

I never imagined myself having a large family. I have a brother and a sister. I love coming from a family of three. My sister is all kinds of awesome and my brother rocks. We fought some like most sibs but I have fond happy memories. My husband also comes from a family of three. We never planned a large family of our own.

My first college roommate/sorority sister came from a large family. Christa was the second oldest of 6 children. I found her family incredibly fascinating. Not only were they a large family but they were so close. They bought each other birthday gifts with their own hard earned money without the prompting of their parents. They wrote letters to each others informing them of the going on's in their lives. I was in awe. I am still am in awe to this very day. My kids freak out if they think one of their siblings had less chores than them, let alone buy each other gifts.

But here I am. Mom to five. I still can't quite believe it. And here is the thing. When you have lots of kids, people think you are some sort of expert. That you must have lots of patience and energy and that you are supermom. People...I have no freaking clue what I am doing! I am no supermom. My kids eat McDoubles from McDonald's at least once a week (ok, twice). I have been a mom for 13 years now and I am still trying to figure things out. Every time I feel on top of my game...they throw me for a loop.

I guess my point is that parenting is hard whether you have 1 or 10 kids. You try different things and some things work and some things do not. But you do your best. There is no perfect way to parent. There may a perfect way to parent your family but parenting is not one size fits all. Parenting is just one big learning experience.

By the way, they may eat McDoubles once or twice a week but I promise, I cook (from scratch) the rest of their meals. And they eat their veggies, for real! I promise. Hopefully that offsets all the junk.

*T-shirt image from Cafe Mom. They have lots of cute t-shirts!

Chicken Black Bean Burritos

Like most families these days we so busy. My boys play football 7-8 months out of the year which means during that time we do not get home until 7:30-8pm at night. I rely on my crockpot a lot because starting dinner at 7:30pm is just not an option. One of our go-to meals is a really simple chicken burrito dish. What I love about this is you just dump everything in the crockpot and leave it alone until it is time to eat.

Chicken Black Bean Burritos
-4-6 Chicken breasts (I use frozen and just throw them in the crockpot frozen)
-1 can of black beans (You can use any can of beans you have on hand)
-1 can of Rotal tomatoes*
-1 half packet of Taco Seasoning (I prefer Trader Joe's brand because it has a kick)

*You can also use about half a jar of your favorite salsa in place of Rotel. I use whatever I have on hand at the time.

Throw everything in the crockpot and cook on low for 8 hours. Shred chicken with a fork before serving. We make burritos out of it but you could also make it into tacos. I serve with homemade Spanish rice and salad. This is incredibly easy to make.

Halloween crafts

I love holidays of any type because they give me an excuse for holiday crafts! Paper pumpkins made from strips of scrapbook paper, ribbon and brads. So easy and so festive!

Working Mom

Let me preface this by saying I hate the term, "working mom." All moms are working moms, no?

I was home with my kids until they started school. Then I went to work outside the home full time. Mainly out of necessity. If you think babies are expensive, you have no idea what is to come. Babies are cheap! If you have school aged children, you understand what I mean. School supplies, pictures, field trips, activities...it all adds up. Plus feeding 4 children is expensive. Off to work I went.

You know those working moms who are well dressed with perfectly coifed hair and lovely organized homes? Yeah, I am not one of those moms. I am a crappy working mom. My home went into chaos almost immediately. I gained 30lbs and did not take care of myself because really, I had no time to do anything for myself. It took everything I had not to punch people when they told me I was so lucky to have sick days because all the poor stay at home moms are full time moms, no sick days for them. Guess what? My sick days were only used when my kids were sick, certainly not for me. And how hurtful to imply that I am only a "part time mom." I still had all the same responsibilities as I did when I was at home; Cooking, cleaning, laundry, conferences, volunteering in my children's classroom...plus my 40 hour a week job. It sucked. A lot. I can only speak about my own experience but for me, working outside the home was a millions times harder than being a stay at home mom. Again this was my experience. I just really sucked at it. Ugh.

When I found out I was pregnant with baby #5 panic set in. We desperately needed my income. I would have to keep working. That was a really hard pill for me to swallow. But you do what you have to for your family. For me, that meant putting my 8 week old in daycare. I worked until the day I gave birth.

Fast forward-I went back to work when my sweet baby was 8 weeks old. Due to a variety of reasons I ended up resigning after only 3 weeks. It was a scary but necessary decision. It is this terrible catch 22. We need my income but we cannot afford for me to work. Secondly, I was working a job, not a career. I worked so hard for the college degree but I was working as an administrative assistant with no hope for promotion and little hope for a raise.

So here I am, once again a stay at home mom. Well mostly, I did find a part time weekend job. But I am basically a stay at home mom. I feel so at peace with this decision. But at the same time I am really worried about how this will work. We can pay all our important bills but I worry about extras. I know extras are not necessary. Name brand clothes are not necessary. Tide are K-cups are not necessary. But I want the kids to have some extras and fluff. I am not sure how this all work. My ultimate goal is find a balance. A well paying job that I like or some way to continue to be home with the kids.

I want to have faith that it will all work out.

11 Myths About Working Moms

Welcome to my crazy life

If you told me a year ago that I would soon be sitting here nursing my 5th baby, I would not have believed you. A year ago, my life was very different than it is today.

You see, a year ago I was a mom of 4 children, working full time outside the home and just sort of enjoying the next chapter of my life. I was lucky to be a stay at home mom with my kids until they started school. I went to work full time after finishing my degree and when my 4th child started kindergarten. Furthermore, I had the Essure procedure done after the birth of my 4th child. It was a thoughtful decision that I came to 5 years after the birth of my 4th child.

In November 2011 I started feeling very ill. Nothing tasted good or sat well with me. Every morning I rolled into work and popped some Alka Seltzer. I even started giving up coffee. That alone should have been a sign...I would rather drink coffee than eat on most days. I just felt like crap in general. My husband said to me, "If I did not know any better, I would think you were pregnant." We both laughed that off, Essure is permanent birth control. But I decided to go to the doctor. I realized that I could not remember my last period. I decided to take a pregnancy test because every woman knows that the is the first thing a doctor will ask, "When was your last period?" and I knew they would test me, Essure or not. On November 22, 2011 I stopped by Walgreens on my way home from work to rule out pregnancy. The test was positive within seconds of taking it. Shock does not even begin to cover it. The next day I visited my OBGYN and he confirmed, baby #5 was indeed healthy and on his way.

So here I sit sipping my coffee and nursing my 3 month old baby. Life is very different today. I am at home with the kids at the moment. I love being home with them but it is a huge struggle financially. But my baby is the best gift I never knew I wanted. He completes me, he completes my family.

This blog is the story my new journey. Mom to five, wife to one, friend to many, coffee swiller...chaos in a skirt.