wanting, needing

Lately I am really struggling with "things". Things I want, things the kids want, things I think we need.

Being home right now is a struggle. But the reality is that all our basic needs are met. Our bills are paid and we have plenty of food. I love the idea of living simply, I really do. But I cannot help but want "things" not only for the kids but...and I hate to admit it...I want stuff for me too.

I knew that we could never afford private school so we made lots of sacrifices to live in a more exclusive area of our city. Property taxes are higher, therefore more money for the schools (at least that is how it works here). There have been lots of positives to this choice. But, on that same note there are negative. The kids are around lots of other very privileged children. Starting in kindergaren we would letters home reminding us to please make sure the kids had the mobile phones on silent during class. In Kindergarten! My 5th, 7th, 8th grader are not exaggerating when they say they are one of the few without an iPhone or Android of some sort. When my daughter was in the 5th grade there were already girls with highlights and weekly manicures. Uggs, Hollister, Coach backpacks...the list goes on. When I drop my middle schoolers off at school you are hard pressed to find a car that is not Lexus, BMW, Mercedes, etc.

I am not in any way saying any of this is bad. But the simple fact is I cannot provide all that to my children. My kids do have lots of extras but I am trying to teach them to work for these things. The 4 older children have iPod touches BUT they bought them with their own money they saved. My daughter has tons of clothes from Hollister BUT she bought them on clearance. I am trying to teach her you can get one shirt for $30 or 3 shirts on clearance for $10 each. I really cannot even begin the overindulgence around here. But on that same note, even if I did have the money, I do not just believe in overindulging for no reason. I want to raise my kids to be hardworking and NOT have a sense of entitlement.

The hard thing is that *I* am greedy at times and *I* want things myself. Most of the stay at home moms I know have housekeepers, personal trainers, and wardrobes with nothing but Ann Taylor and White House Black Market. I do not need a Petunia Pickle Bottom diaper bag or an Uppa Baby Vista stroller. But cannot help but feel sort of envious of those that do have those things. I want those things even though I do not need them. Total "First World Problem", I know. Wrong or right, I am just being honest.

I am home with my baby for the time being. That is what is important. I know this, I really do. But I cannot help but want "things". This is my struggle right now. :/