Big changes going on in our household

I quit my second job. I know it was only one day a week but it was becoming too much. My mental health was more important and when I feel ready I will write about that too. Anyway, that chapter is closed for now. My "big girl" job is mentally draining. I love it, don't get me wrong. But it is a difficult job. Plus, I am a mom and that is a full time job too. And I know that having five children is not really considered a large family in the large family world but for me, it is a large family. I love my kids and would not change a thing...heck I would even add one more if I could. But managing five children is a challenge for me. Working 6 days a week was too difficult for me. I had to move on.

And the biggest change is that Conor starts a new daycare tomorrow. This was something we always planned on. My 8 year old (my Bear) attended this preschool/daycare from age 3-5 and we loved it. Sadly, they stopped taking babies a couple years ago so we were not able to start Conor there when we needed daycare. We found a back up solution knowing we would switch him around age one. We got to bypass the waiting list and get him as soon as his first birthday rolled around. I am thrilled, it is an outstanding Montessori daycare/school and we had the best experience with our Bear. BUT...I am feeling so guilty about changing up his routine. I feel terrible about putting him through this transition even though I know it will be fine. Even though I knew this was the plan all along, I can't help but feel worried about the whole situation. I just hope he adjusts easily and quickly.

Wish us luck.

Project 52-Week 28

This picture is not really special as far as composition goes. I am working on editing right now so that was the focus. This was shot during a harsh time of the day so the pictures were way overexposed. Also, I have officially weaned myself to RAW files only. For now Lightroom is much easier for me to navigate than Photoshop but I hope to learn both, eventually.

Week 28
My sweet five-some

And in other news...THIS IS MY 100th POST!!

The birth story...better late than never?

As Conor's first birthday gets closer and closer I am reminded that I never sat down and wrote his birth story (or started his baby book or started his scrapbook. Mother of the year, right here folks).

As I have explained HERE baby Conor was a surprise. I had an Essure tubal in 2009 and unexpectedly became pregnant in October of 2011. To say we were shocked does not even begin to cover it. But he was on his way against all odds...

Thankfully, aside from some terrible morning/all day sickness my pregnancy was very healthy and normal. I had decided to work upp until birth unless medically necessary to quit. I wanted as much time home with the baby as possible after he was born. Overall, I was fine with this decision but it was admittedly difficult towards the end.

30 weeks

34 weeks
My guess date of July 9 came and went. Now, I am pretty laid back about letting the baby come when they are ready. I am semi-crunchy and had 4 prior natural childbirths. I try to avoid medical intervention and induction unless truly medically necessary. I also know that babies do not magically appear on their "guess" (due) dates. But I am not going to lie, when my guess/due date came and went, I was bummed out. Hey, I am human and I have been through 5 pregnancies...I was over it.

On July 12 I went to work as normal. I felt fine and every thing seemed normal. Around 2pm I went to the bathroom and thought maybe my water was leaking. Nah, I decided it was just wishful thinking. I went about my day. That evening I got home and made dinner for everyone. After dinner I went upstairs and changed into my standard pregnancy uniform of a tank top (Love those Target Long and Lean tank tops) and khaki shorts. After changing I sat on the foot of my bed and as I leaned across to grab a pillow on the other side I felt that undeniable gush. I told my husband that I "thought" my water was broken but I was not sure. I then called my doctor and they of course told me to come in ASAP. We called out inlaws and I did my last minute packing and then we headed off to the hospital. As we left my now 13 year old son insisted on taking one last picture (he is so sweet).

So off we went.

When we arrived in triage they asked me to change into a gown so they could verify that my water had indeed broken. At this point, my khaki shorts were soaked. The doctor checked me and I was 4-5cm and decided that the gushing as she checked me was all the proof she needed to verify my water broke. lol Then I was started on an IV because I have a heart condition and most important for the first time in 5 pregnancies I tested Group B strep positive. I was still in triage at this poin because there were no rooms for me. I was told the the first round of antibiotics would take 20 minutes (I needed two) and I needed at least one round before delivering. I was not concerned because I was having hardly any contractions and ZERO pain. I had plenty of time. 45 minutes later (and one Charmed episode on Netflix) the IV bag was barely dripping and still half full. It was about 11pm and my contractions all of a sudden were coming hard and fast out of no where. And I was still in triage. The nurse came in and adjusted my IV and took me to a room. Apparently, my IV was not set up right and the charge nurse took over and apologized. The charge nurse offically took over my care. But really, I did not care at this point. I was pretty uncomfortable at this point. And by uncomortable, I mean in pain. I was also freaking out because I still did not have my necessary antibiotics yet.

Once we got into the room and I asked to be checked and the doctor confirmed that I was at about a 7. Sweet, progress. Super painful progress but progress nonetheless. ;) Once the doctor checked me her and the nurse left and told me to call if I needed anything. Immediately upon them leaving I felt enourmous pressure. Crazy pressure. But the doctor had just checked me less than five minutes ago. No way could it be be time to push, right? My husband called the nurse and the doctor came back in. I said, "I know this is crazy because you just checked me less than 5 minutes ago. There is no way I am complete now, right?" The doctor checked me and I was indeed complete. I went from 7-10 in under five minutes and it was go time. They broke down the bed and it seemed like an eternity before my next contraction came. Finally, I felt another contraction came and I pushed and pushed as hard as I could. And in ONE push (I swear!) Conor Knox was born at 11:35pm on July, 12, 2012 (he simply could not wait until Firday the 13th). My sweet boy was a perfect 6lbs 8.9oz and 20in.

And now, here we are with an almost 1 year old and couldn't be happier. He completes our family.

Just a snapshot

Here is the thing about learning photography. You can never look at a picture the same. You start to notice every little limb chop, every bit of grain, every overly photoshopped face...etc. Then you become overly critical of your own pictures and stop enjoying sweet little snapshots.

Ugh.

The baby was super fussy today. He was not into being my model. Every single picture I took was crappy and out of focus. So frustrated. That said, I ended up with this little gem even if it is just a snap shot. I do not now why I like it so much but I just do.

My two little guys, my babies


My original baby


"Mommy, your artisitic vision sucks and I refuse to smile and play along. Also this picture is doomed to be hopelessly out of focus." Meanwhile my 12 year old was complaining all the while because his 17lb brother was "so heavy".


My Tequila bottles are in focus though

Long day.

Project 52 failure

Ok, this week I am a project 52 failure. My project 52 for week 22 is non-existent. I wish I could say it is just going to be late. But that is not the case, it just did not happen.

I was really sick most of the week with the cold and sore throat from hell. I practially limped through the door every evening after work. My inner photog was too sick to be productive. Not to mention my messy house and piling up laundry. No biggie, that is what weekends are for...cleaning, laundry and photog-ing right? Wrong. Yesterday we celebrated my son's birthday a few days early because my inlaws are going to be out of town for his real birthday. Today I woke up and knew it was a wash because I had to work this afternoon/evening. The day started normal but when baby Conor woke up from his late morning nap he started puking everywhere. I called out to work (they were mad) but I just cannot leave him when he is sick. Sorry, not going to happen. Plus as much as I like this litte side job, it is just that. My side job. I hate to let people down but I am not leaving my sick baby.

The baby seems to be feeling better. My home is cleaner-ish and I can always catch up on laundry tomorrow. But I do not have an offical week 22 picture and that is a bummer.

Long story short. No picture this week. Boo.

Just another day in paradise...

Today my biggest baby turned 14...! How did that happen? I told her she could have anything she wanted for dinner, anything at all. She chose slow cooker chicken and dumplings. I was surprised. But I never make it because her and I are the only ones that like it. lol My kids generally dislike anything that involves cream soups (and anything that involves breading but that is another story). It is so easy to make. I just threw some frozen chicken breasts in the crock pot and cooked on low until I could shred them (about 4 hours).
Then I added cream of chicken soup and diced carrots, celery and onions. Now you can do this yourself or just buy Mirapoix or the Trader Joe's blend like I do (I am a cheater).

Then I cook a couple more hours.
When there is about 30 minutes left I mix up some Bisquick and drop it over the top.

Cook for another 30 minutes or so and enjoy!
I have also made the recipe where I threw in the frozen chicken, veggies, and soup all at once and let is cook on low all day. When I got home I made the Bisquick and added it for 30 minutes and that works fine too. I just happen to be home today to make it in shifts.

The boys enjoyed burgers instead. And in my house no celebration is complete with out my pretty pink dishes (for all) and Corona (for the adults). ;)

And then we all enjoyed some tastey birthday cupcakes in honor of the pretty birthday girl.

Baby Conor is 9 Months Old

My littlest guy is 9 months old now. How did that happen? He is almost one and I just cannot believe it. The past few months have been flying by.


-He is kind of crawling? He has been trying and Saturday he seemed to move a couple inches. Tonight was the first time I really saw him go for it though. He crawled right over to the Xbox. Great.

-He loves any and all food. Anything you put in front of him he will shove into his little mouth as fast as he can. It is kind of cute and kind of alarming.

-He is seriously one super happy baby. I mean really, I know he is my kid and I may be biased but he is so easy going. We drag him all around to track meets, football games, shopping, errands...and he is is all smiles 90% of the time. Except when the dog licks him. That seriously ticks him off. Tonight I brought the dog in the kitchen to eat the mess under his highchair after dinner (don't judge!) and the dog licked his face. Conor FREAKED OUT. Alrighty then.

-He generally sleeps pretty well. We put him down at 8pm and he is out until 5am. Then he nurses and is out again until 6:30-7am. Of course I probably just jinxed myself, he will be up all night this evening.

-He is super spoiled and super loved. He adores his siblings and they adore him.

I want to be one those moms...

You know...

The ones with the clean organized homes. The ones that are always caught up on laundry. The ones who are always on time to their children's events. The ones that are always beautiful and put together. The ones who are up to date on their children's scrapbooks and baby books. The ones who keep up with their blogs.

All while working full time.

My husband says I am too hard on myself. My husband says we have five kids and I work full time and that I am too hard on myself. I wish I could see it that way. Right now, I just feel like I suck.

That is my life lately. A big disorganized mess.

A Day In The Life

6:00-Get up, make coffee, get dressed/hair/make-up (I shower at night)

6:30-Wake up 8 y/o and 11 y/o

baby usually wakes up between 6:30 and 7:00. I nurse him and change/dress him after feeding him.

7:00-Wake up 12 y/o and 13 y/o

7:10-Get 11 y/o and 8 y/o to bus

7:30-Leave for daycare/work

8:00-4:30-WORK

I pump 2-3 times throughout the day.

4:45-Pick up baby and 11 y/o and 8 y/o

5:00-12 y/o and 13 y/o run track for their middle school. I pick up my 13 y/o and drop off my 12 y/o football gear for football practice. He has football practice at the middle school so that is super helpful in my crazy life. My 8 y/o also has football practice at the middle school. This saves my butt every day. Then I drive to another park where my 11 y/o has football practice.

7-7:15-Practice is over for everyone.

7:30-Eat dinner

8:00-10:00- Big kids do homework (the little guys get it done afterschool/before practice). During this time I am preping snacks and meals for the next day. Doing a load or two of laundry, washing bottles (The bane of my existance. Ugh.)

11:00-12:00- Wind down time for me! I could should go to bed as soon as my evening chores are done. But I am the type of person that has to wind down before going to bed. If I just go to bed without winding down I feel so stressed the next day. I need my trashy TV/internet time before bed.

I am trying to use the boy's football practice as time to practice with my camera and exercise as well. The camera practice is going well. Exercise, well, not so much. The weather has been really crappy. New Mexico in March is windy and miserable. The past several days have been cold with bitter cold wind. Therefore, the baby is none too happy about being in the stroller with all the wind and sand. And really, who can blame him. It is supposed to warm up in the next few days and then I can be diligent about exercise. Hopefully by the end of next week.


Oraganization is saving my butt every day. Some nights, I just want to skip all the meal prepping and bag packing for the next morning. But I *know* I will regret it if I do. I really have to force myself some evenings. But it is so worth it. I have always loved my crock pot but it is my best friend now more than ever. Tonight we had Slow Cooker Buffalo Wing Sandwiches and cole slaw. It was a hit. Tomorrow we are having bean burritos (beans will be cooked in the crock pot) and Spanish rice (which I already made the evening).

I pack all our bags the night before and boy do we have millions of bags. Ok, not millions. I am exaggerating. We only have 8. The diaper bag, my purse, my breastpump bag, my lunch bag, football/equipment bags x3 and "football practice" diaper bag are loaded in the car the night before. I also pack a snack bag for the big kids because they do not get a snack before track practice (and the 12 year old goes straight from track to football). Whew.

Have I mentioned I decided to stay on my part time job as well? I thought it would be nice to stay on and work Sunday's only. That way I keep my discount and it is an easy $50 each week. It seemed like such a good idea. But good grief, I am tired. Really tired and somehings got to give. I think it will the part time job.

Anyway, that is a day in my life lately.

Happy Chaos

My little Conor has this cute little trick where he likes to happily scream really high pitched, sounding something like a baby Velociraptor. It is cute because he is my kid. I am quite certain others do not find it cute or endearing in any way. After today I am positive of this...

Picture it.

Two moms and ten children ranging in ages from 13 years old to 3 months old at a pizza restaurant during the noon hour. All the large tables were taken so we were spread out over 3 booths. All the kiddos are well behaved but even the quietest of chatter between 10 children can be a dull roar. Insert screeching baby into this happy chaos. Now if that was not bad enough another baby 3 booths down heard the screeching and decided that was a challenge. Every time my little guy took a break for some air that baby would start screeching too and once he took a break, mine would start screeching again. It was an old fashion screech off. I am sure the two business men at the booth next to us were thrilled with this situation. In our defense, it is a family friendly restaurant and they did come sit by two women and 10 kids on their own free will (there were other booths open, I swear).

This is my life, happy chaos. I love it.

The Reluctant Big Brother

My oldest three children are pretty close in age. The oldest two have a 12 month age gap and my second and third have 15 month age gap. There was a good 3 years before my fourth came along. Now because everyone is so close in age, we have dealt with very little sibling rivalry. They do not really remember a time without each other. And it was a known fact that our forth, Cillian is the baby. Cillian was very much treated like the stereotypical baby. And he very much enjoyed this role in our family. In fact, he was quite proud to be the baby. He got attention every where we went from the time he was very little because he was fair haired and very different from my other babies who all had very dark hair and eyes. Cillian loved that attention and role and happily enjoyed it for almost 8 years.

Along came our fifth. Now little baby Conor was quite the surprise. The older three were pretty excited to find out they were quite unexpectedly receiving another sibling. Cillian was not. Not in least bit. We tried to involve him and tell him how fun it would be to have a baby brother. Someone to look up to him. He was not having it. I even took him to a siblings class at the hospital to help get him excited for a new baby. Nope, still not having it.


Waiting for the sibling class to start. Doesn't he look thrilled to be there?
I was pretty worried about how this was all going to play out.

But since the baby was born he has been nothing but an attentive loving big brother. He is helpful and kind. And one of the first people to run and grab the baby as soon as he starts crying. The other day Cillian gave Conor his beloved Elmo doll. Awww. He loved Elmo when he was little. We have gotten rid of most of our baby and toddler toys over the years (we had to start over fresh with Conor. Talk about expensive...but I digress). But we held on to that Elmo doll. And Cillian proudly and lovingly gave that his baby brother.


Poor Elmo has had a rough time in our home. Please note his missing nose.
Cillian is still very much my baby, my bear (Bear is his nickname). But now he happily shares the baby role with his little brother. He is proud of his baby brother. Aww, I worried for nothing.

Working Girl: Part 2

I got the job! The job I really wanted and knew would be a perfect fit...the one close to home and my children's schools...the one I never thought would call me for an interview and I GOT IT! And they offered a higher salary than I expected (which is a downright miracle with state government)! I am so excited, I think this job is a prefect fit. I start on March 4.

I have two big worries though...

I am worried about putting my sweet baby in daycare. I feel so bad. My older 4 were with me when they were were babies. In fact, only my 8 year old was in daycare. And he was 4 years old when he started daycare so it was a little different. But I have not choice and I need to just accept it and be at peace.

Secondly, I am worried about organization. I am such a terrible working mom. I am just so frazzled and so disorganized. I just do not know how to fix it. My kids are all expected to do certain chores. They help with dusting, vacuuming, putting away laundry, cleaning bathrooms, emptying the dishwasher, etc. But we have no system to their chores. they just do it when I tell them to do so. If the dishwasher needs to be emptied I just get one or two of them to help. I wash and fold the laundry and then call the kids to come get their laundry and put it away but I have no set laundry day. They help and they are good about it and never rarely complain.

When I return to work our schedule will for something like this:

5:45am-Get up, get ready, get kids up and ready/fed
7:10am- Get 11 y/o and 8 y/o on bus.
7:30am- Take baby to daycare, go to work
8-4:30pm- WORK
4:30- Leave work and pick up baby, pick up 11 y/o and 8 y/o.
5:00pm- Pick up 13 y/o and 12 y/o from track practice. Then take 12 y/o, 11 y/o, and 8 y/o to football practice. Luckily the 12 y/o has track and football at the same field.
5:30-7:30pm- Hang out at football practice with one of the kids (usually the 8 year old, he is still a baby in my mind). I generally use this time to jog/exercise.
7:45pm- Get home, eat dinner, and then homework, baths, and bedtime.

Clearly we have little time for anything else. I NEED to keep my home in order. I am trying to tackle any projects (get rid of clutter) in the next two weeks. I need an organized system to make it all work. I have meals down to an art (I am all about meal planning and my crockpot!) but the cleaning is something I struggle with.

Any tips?

My babies

My first attempt shooting in Manual Mode.

The days are long but the years are short

My sweet little baby is 7 months old now? How in the world did that happen? How can my baby possibly be 7 months old? It happened so fast. Didn't I just bring him home last week?He still loves sweet potatoes and fruits are hit or miss. Some days he eats them but most days he can do without. He loves his siblings and I fear he might never crawl because someone always wants to hold him. Although, he has seemed to master the art of rolling all around to get what he wants. His best friends remain Sophie and Mothra. He is growing like a weed!

On that note, all my kids are growing like weeds. When you first have children everyone tells you that they grow up so fast. It seems rather cliché because you hear it all the time. I think you (well *I*) sort of took it for granted. But it really is true. I just finished filling out the high school pre-registration packet for my oldest. My baby starts high school next year. How did that happen? My 11 year old son starts middle school next year and we just filled out all that paperwork as well. How did that happen? My sweet little 8 year old will be all alone in elementary school. When people tell you it goes by fast, they are not kidding. It really does. The days are long but the years are short. *sob*

On the job front...well I have no news. I am feeling pretty down about that entire situation. I had one lead that I really thought was going to work out but it looks like it is not happening. I am pretty bummed out about it and feeling like a loser. I knew better than to get my hopes up but well, too late. I am a ball of stress about finances and my self esteem has been punched in the face. *sigh*

My middle schoolers start track in two weeks and my boys start spring tackle in a month. I am ready, they are ready. We all need to get out some more. I am feeling rather like a hermit these days. The kids need the exercise and in a sick sort of way, I love the busy schedule (well most of the time).

Today I was at Target getting some last minute items for Valentine's Day and I came across this little gem. It was splurge these days due to our super tight budget. But I figure it is a Valentine's Day gift to myself. Yummy!

Dirty Laundry

People always ask me what I think is the hardest thing about having a large family. When they were little I would say, "Buckling them all into their carseats." But these days I only have one in a carseat. The hardest thing for me is laundry.

Laundry itself it not hard. Folding laundry is not hard. Putting it aways is not hard. But keeping up with it is hard, at least for me. In theory, I think the key is doing at least a load or two a day. Right now, I am home 24/7 so that is feasible. But when I am working it is just so hard to do that. By the the time I get home from work, chauffeur kids to activities, come home, make dinner, help with homework, and on and on...laundry is just not high on my priority list, well not if I want to sleep at all. Therefore I end up doing it all on Sundays (a good 10-12 loads of laundry). The kids do help, they put away their own laundry. But it still takes most of the day.

I feel like there must be an easier way. I will be working again soon and I need a better system. Oh and the ironing...I hate ironing. Hate it. When I starting working full time again, the FIRST thing I will do is haul a load off the dry cleaners. I know it is a bit of a luxury, but it is so worth it.

How do you handle laundry in your family?

Sweet Dreams

One night in late October 2011 I dreamt that I was pregnant. It was one of the most vivid dreams I have ever experienced. You know, one of those dreams that just feels so very real?

In my dream, I could feel the baby inside of me and when the dream baby was born I could feel the baby's soft feathery hair, soft skin and smell the baby's sweet baby scent. When I woke up it took me a minute to realize I was only dreaming. I felt sad because I was thinking about how I would never again experience that. I had Essure, my tubes were blocked. Our family was complete. Our baby days were long gone.

I reflected on that dream all day as I sat at work. I felt really bittersweet about it all. I was happy to be in a new place in my life and happy to have different experiences to enjoy. The kids were older and fun in a "big kid" way. They are independent, funny and just fun little people all around. But it is hard not to be wistful for those baby days at times. That was a precious time. Babies don't keep.

About a week after that dream I started getting really sick. Long story short, I was pregnant at the time I had that dream. My body knew, *I* just did not know yet.

I am not going to lie. Finding out I was pregnant was stressful. First of all, there was a concern about Ectopic pregnancy. Luckily, that was not the case. I went on to have a healthy pregnancy and a very healthy baby boy.

And that dream is now my reality and I am so very happy about that.

Success!

We did it! The kids all made it to school on time and most of my goals were accomplished today.

Although, we narrowly averted disaster. I woke up at this morning and looked at my clock and noticed it was blinking. I realized the power went out at some point in the middle of the night and I had a mini heart attack thinking we had over slept. Turns out it was only 5am so I reset my clock and went back to sleep for an hour.

Everyone got up in time to eat breakfast. Everyone had clean clothes to wear and knew where their shoes and backpacks were located (it's a miracle). I put chicken in the crockpot for dinner both this evening and tomorrow evening. The littles made it to bus on time. I braved the middle school drop off traffic (the bane of my existence, I hate that traffic but continue to subject myself to it on a daily basis). The baby and I made it to our coffee date on time. I swilled coffee and gossiped with my friend while the baby napped. AND my friend gave us some cloth diapers, more on that later. All in all, today was a success.

I am ready to do it all again tomorrow.

I even took down my Christmas Wreath and put up my Valentine's wreath!

But my Christmas trees is still up...tomorrow, I can always tackle that tomorrow, right?

Back to the grind

Christmas break is over and the kids go back to school tomorrow. Ugh. I am not really looking forward to it. I just really dislike being in the school routine. Worrying about permission slips, school pictures, homework, reading logs, doling out money left and right. Yuck. It is just not my thing. Not because I dislike doing these things for my kids but because I just get overwhelmed easily (Note to self: STOP sweating the SMALL stuff).

And mornings, well I am just not a morning person. I wish I could tell you I was one of those awesome mom's who wakes her kids up with hot cocoa and kisses while gentle rubbing their backs. I am not. I am not a morning person. Not at all. I barely drag myself out of bed and stumble to their rooms to wake them up. My husband still tells people that he was horrified (yes horrified) when he discovered just how grumpy I am in the mornings. My 11 and 8 year old are also not morning people. They are so grumpy in the mornings. And of course they are the first two that have to get up because their bus arrives at 7:10am. They are not happy campers in the mornings. Sometimes I start to get frustrated and wonder where they get it from. Oh wait...

I think that part of the problem is that I am not as organized as I would like to be. I have all these great ideas about organization but I am really awful at the execution part of my plans. I really want to work on that especially since I will be working again (soon?). Today I spent the day catching up on laundry. I made a bunch of hard boiled eggs for the kids to eat for breakfast. I made snacks for my little guys (my middle schoolers are too cool for snacks), coffee maker is ready to go, kids are bathed, backpacks are packed. I even have dinner planned. I think we are ready.

I am feeling ambitious because I also plan to get in a pumping session (need to build up my freezer stash again) before it is time for the big kids to leave. I agreed to a coffee date after I drop off the middle schoolers. AND I am planning to get in a run after my coffee date.

Hopefully I am able to execute this grand plan tomorrow. Stay tuned.

Good baby

"Is he a good baby?"

People always ask me if my baby is a "good" baby. I find that to be such an odd question. Is there such a thing as a "bad" baby? Babies are babies.

I guess he is a "good" baby. He sleeps in a big stretch at night. He rarely cries or fusses and is generally happy. Of course it helps that he has 4 siblings that carry him around like a little prince most of the time.

He is just a sweet, happy little guy. Today in Trader Joe's he rode in the cart like a big boy. He loved it. We could barely get through the store because everyone kept stopping us to talk to him. He is such a little flirt so he just eats it up.

I know I keep saying it but I never thought I would have another baby. I had forgotten what a joy it is to have a baby in the home again. I am so happy to have this unexpected little blessing.

wanting, needing

Lately I am really struggling with "things". Things I want, things the kids want, things I think we need.

Being home right now is a struggle. But the reality is that all our basic needs are met. Our bills are paid and we have plenty of food. I love the idea of living simply, I really do. But I cannot help but want "things" not only for the kids but...and I hate to admit it...I want stuff for me too.

I knew that we could never afford private school so we made lots of sacrifices to live in a more exclusive area of our city. Property taxes are higher, therefore more money for the schools (at least that is how it works here). There have been lots of positives to this choice. But, on that same note there are negative. The kids are around lots of other very privileged children. Starting in kindergaren we would letters home reminding us to please make sure the kids had the mobile phones on silent during class. In Kindergarten! My 5th, 7th, 8th grader are not exaggerating when they say they are one of the few without an iPhone or Android of some sort. When my daughter was in the 5th grade there were already girls with highlights and weekly manicures. Uggs, Hollister, Coach backpacks...the list goes on. When I drop my middle schoolers off at school you are hard pressed to find a car that is not Lexus, BMW, Mercedes, etc.

I am not in any way saying any of this is bad. But the simple fact is I cannot provide all that to my children. My kids do have lots of extras but I am trying to teach them to work for these things. The 4 older children have iPod touches BUT they bought them with their own money they saved. My daughter has tons of clothes from Hollister BUT she bought them on clearance. I am trying to teach her you can get one shirt for $30 or 3 shirts on clearance for $10 each. I really cannot even begin the overindulgence around here. But on that same note, even if I did have the money, I do not just believe in overindulging for no reason. I want to raise my kids to be hardworking and NOT have a sense of entitlement.

The hard thing is that *I* am greedy at times and *I* want things myself. Most of the stay at home moms I know have housekeepers, personal trainers, and wardrobes with nothing but Ann Taylor and White House Black Market. I do not need a Petunia Pickle Bottom diaper bag or an Uppa Baby Vista stroller. But cannot help but feel sort of envious of those that do have those things. I want those things even though I do not need them. Total "First World Problem", I know. Wrong or right, I am just being honest.

I am home with my baby for the time being. That is what is important. I know this, I really do. But I cannot help but want "things". This is my struggle right now. :/