18-months-old

I am not quite certain where the past year and half went. It seems like he was born last week. But here were are barreling towards age 2. When I found out I was pregnant it was a such a huge shock, such an adjustment. With nearly eight years between the baby and my next youngest, I wondered how it all would ever work. Now, I cannot imagine our life any other way. It works, I am not sure how and my house is always a mess and I am always tired. But it works.

My little baby is now a toddler!

He is a happy little guy. He loves to eat. And he eats, a lot. He likes everything you give him and seems to really enjoy spicy food which is so funny. He does not like milk but has to have his sippy cup of ice water at all times. This is a fun (and sometimes frustrating) age. He talks a lot and understands even more. He is a total daddy's boy. He adores all his siblings but has a soft spot for his eldest brother. He is not fond if the dog but the feeling is mutual. He loves music but his favorite song is "What Does The Fox Say?" which is cute but gets old fast at 4am. :) Like I always say, he is greatest gift I never knew I wanted.

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Happy birthday to my littlest love...

Exactly one year ago today, at 11:35pm my sweet unexpected blessing entered the world. I really cannot believe just how fast this year has gone by. He really is a joy to have in our lives. He is the best gift that I never knew I wanted. I love you with all my heart sweet Conor Knox.

Please excuse the quality of these pictures. My camera was broken and I relied on my crappy phone until receiving my dslr in December.

This little gem goes out to any BBC mommas that might stumble across my blog...Conor and a Llama.

One year ago today...

One year ago today was Conor's due date. Now, I know that babies come when they want but I am not going to lie...I was bummed that on my due date I had zero signs of impending labor. Here is what a wrote about my 40 week check up a year ago:

"I was 4cm and 70% when he checked me prior to sweeping my membranes. My OB told me not to bother making another appointment and he said I would most likely go within 36 hours. He is not one to say stuff like that so I had all sorts of hope. Especially being 40 weeks and 4cm. I thought would be a good combo for membrane sweeping.

I was contracting most of the evening (true, painful contractions) and they went from about 5 minutes apart to really irregular and they finally pooped out at around 2am. I bled most of the evening (my OB said I would). I woke up to my stupid alarm summoning me for work at 6am. I so bummed about sitting at work right now. I have had not one contraction, not even a BH all day. Ugh. If I did not need to save every bit of leave, I would be at home feeling sorry for myself right now."

My life recently as told through my phone camera...

I am going to try this whole "My life recently as told through my phone camera..." every Monday but you know how that goes. I am going to try my hardest to keep up though.

This week...

Oh my lambs, this sweet face melts my heart

There were 4th of July festivities

Conor and I took a selfie

We went to pool party/team meeting (football starts in 2 weeks!!)

The husby and I had a late night Target run

The husby and I tried a new beer

There was trip to urgent care :( for sweet baby Conor (Ear infection, he is better-ish)

And that was my life this week in a nutshell.

My baby is super cute and has great musical taste

Let me apologize in advance for the poor video quality. But my baby is super cute and has some awesome moves along with kickass musical taste.

Watermelon makes everything better. And also Ibuprofen.

Today I decided to work even though pretty much everyone else in my office took the day off. It was kind of depressing because there was like 10 of us in the whole building. I got a lot of work done so it was worth it. Plus I am banking my leave for October because my mom is visiting for the Balloon Fiesta. But I got a call from daycare letting me know the baby was running a fever. :( My poor little guy. I picked him up and spent the afternoon snuggling him. He was pretty miserable so I went ahead and gave him some Motrin. He perked up for a bit and ate some watermelon for dinner. And he loved it.

He is sleeping well now. We are just trying to keep him comfortable and hydrated. I feel so helpless when my kiddos are sick :(. I hope he feels better soon.

The birth story...better late than never?

As Conor's first birthday gets closer and closer I am reminded that I never sat down and wrote his birth story (or started his baby book or started his scrapbook. Mother of the year, right here folks).

As I have explained HERE baby Conor was a surprise. I had an Essure tubal in 2009 and unexpectedly became pregnant in October of 2011. To say we were shocked does not even begin to cover it. But he was on his way against all odds...

Thankfully, aside from some terrible morning/all day sickness my pregnancy was very healthy and normal. I had decided to work upp until birth unless medically necessary to quit. I wanted as much time home with the baby as possible after he was born. Overall, I was fine with this decision but it was admittedly difficult towards the end.

30 weeks

34 weeks
My guess date of July 9 came and went. Now, I am pretty laid back about letting the baby come when they are ready. I am semi-crunchy and had 4 prior natural childbirths. I try to avoid medical intervention and induction unless truly medically necessary. I also know that babies do not magically appear on their "guess" (due) dates. But I am not going to lie, when my guess/due date came and went, I was bummed out. Hey, I am human and I have been through 5 pregnancies...I was over it.

On July 12 I went to work as normal. I felt fine and every thing seemed normal. Around 2pm I went to the bathroom and thought maybe my water was leaking. Nah, I decided it was just wishful thinking. I went about my day. That evening I got home and made dinner for everyone. After dinner I went upstairs and changed into my standard pregnancy uniform of a tank top (Love those Target Long and Lean tank tops) and khaki shorts. After changing I sat on the foot of my bed and as I leaned across to grab a pillow on the other side I felt that undeniable gush. I told my husband that I "thought" my water was broken but I was not sure. I then called my doctor and they of course told me to come in ASAP. We called out inlaws and I did my last minute packing and then we headed off to the hospital. As we left my now 13 year old son insisted on taking one last picture (he is so sweet).

So off we went.

When we arrived in triage they asked me to change into a gown so they could verify that my water had indeed broken. At this point, my khaki shorts were soaked. The doctor checked me and I was 4-5cm and decided that the gushing as she checked me was all the proof she needed to verify my water broke. lol Then I was started on an IV because I have a heart condition and most important for the first time in 5 pregnancies I tested Group B strep positive. I was still in triage at this poin because there were no rooms for me. I was told the the first round of antibiotics would take 20 minutes (I needed two) and I needed at least one round before delivering. I was not concerned because I was having hardly any contractions and ZERO pain. I had plenty of time. 45 minutes later (and one Charmed episode on Netflix) the IV bag was barely dripping and still half full. It was about 11pm and my contractions all of a sudden were coming hard and fast out of no where. And I was still in triage. The nurse came in and adjusted my IV and took me to a room. Apparently, my IV was not set up right and the charge nurse took over and apologized. The charge nurse offically took over my care. But really, I did not care at this point. I was pretty uncomfortable at this point. And by uncomortable, I mean in pain. I was also freaking out because I still did not have my necessary antibiotics yet.

Once we got into the room and I asked to be checked and the doctor confirmed that I was at about a 7. Sweet, progress. Super painful progress but progress nonetheless. ;) Once the doctor checked me her and the nurse left and told me to call if I needed anything. Immediately upon them leaving I felt enourmous pressure. Crazy pressure. But the doctor had just checked me less than five minutes ago. No way could it be be time to push, right? My husband called the nurse and the doctor came back in. I said, "I know this is crazy because you just checked me less than 5 minutes ago. There is no way I am complete now, right?" The doctor checked me and I was indeed complete. I went from 7-10 in under five minutes and it was go time. They broke down the bed and it seemed like an eternity before my next contraction came. Finally, I felt another contraction came and I pushed and pushed as hard as I could. And in ONE push (I swear!) Conor Knox was born at 11:35pm on July, 12, 2012 (he simply could not wait until Firday the 13th). My sweet boy was a perfect 6lbs 8.9oz and 20in.

And now, here we are with an almost 1 year old and couldn't be happier. He completes our family.

Weaning

I never imagined myself talking about weaning at this point. I have successfully breastfed all my children. The oldest two for a year and the younger two for 25 and 26 months.

With Conor, it has been a difficult road. We had some significant issues with his weight in the beginning. But after a lot of tears (both his and mine) we made it throught that initial hump. But as an experienced breastfeeding mom it was clear to me right from the beginning that I was not producing as much as I had in the past. I tried extra water, Fenugreek, Mother's Milk tea, oatmeal. Everything I that had always worked for me in the past. But I never produced like I had with my other children. But he was doing well so we kept at it. Then in March 2013 I started my new job and my pump and I started our love hate relationship. Despite all my best efforts, my supply tanked. It has been a struggle since then. Conor gets half breast milk and half formula at daycare now. I feel tremendously guilty. I am not really sure why...he is healthy and thriving.

I am dealing with a pretty significant health issue and I can no longer avoid medication. I have done extensive research and this medication is not ok for breastfeeding. He will be one soon and although I had hoped to nurse past age one, it is clear to me that will not happen. I cannot put off my medication any longer. The healthiest thing I can do for my baby and my older four children is to take this medication. It is the right thing to do for both them and me. I know this what needs to be done.

So why do I feel so crappy about it?

Sunday Musings of an Exhausted Mom

I had to work this evening at my other job. I kind of dread it these days. I really want to quit, my husband wants to me to quit. We never use my discount and it only brings in about $55 a week. But on the other hand, it is an easy $55 a week. After my first year of employment at my big girl job I am eligible for overtime and I will feel so much better quitting my job at that point but that is such a long way off. I just do not know what to do. Right now, I am unhappy and exhausted with the situation.

I got of work late which really sucked for my husband because he was waiting outside for me...for an hour (we are temporarily sharing a car right now until we buy him a new one). On our way home from work we stopped by the grocery store for coffee. Being out of coffee tomorrow morning is simply not an option. As we were driving home we passed by a fire. We pulled over and called 911 and then waited for help to arrive. Scary stuff.

Now I am sitting here waiting on some laundry and coooking my lunch for tomorrow. I am so exhausted but super wired. That is why I hate being part of the closing shift on Sundays. Maybe I do need to bite the bullet and just quit.

I am just rambling now. Sorry, I tend to do that.

But before I forget! Conor's first official word is CJ, his big brother's name. Melts my heart. Also when you hand him something (cracker, milk, etc)he says "ta-tu". I am almost positive he is saying thank you. That or he really likes the Russian duo t.A.T.u. Either way, the kid is a genius. He is beyond adorable!

Goodnight everyone!

I will never be Anne Geddes

Yesterday after work I decided whip out that camera and torture myself some more. I wanted to get a cute picture of the baby and his cute little baby tush. In my mind I was going to take that cute tushie shot and then watch a video about Photoshop and then convert it to black and white. Great plan, right?

I get the baby all bathed, fed and happy. I opened the front door and sat him in front of it (diaperless of course) in order to take advantage of some nice natural light. He was so cute, just crawling around all happy. All of a sudden he just stopped and gave me this face:
Uh oh. I know that face. He proceeded to poop all over the floor in front of the door. The good news is that we have tile in that spot so it was easy to clean. Oh well, so much for my precious back and white baby bum picture.

Project 52-Week 20

This is one of literally hundreds I took this week in my vain attempt to nail focus. I am really having a hard time with focus and I am really discouraged. *sigh*

Week 20

Can't get enough of this sweet baby...

Evening Walk

Baby Conor is 9 Months Old

My littlest guy is 9 months old now. How did that happen? He is almost one and I just cannot believe it. The past few months have been flying by.


-He is kind of crawling? He has been trying and Saturday he seemed to move a couple inches. Tonight was the first time I really saw him go for it though. He crawled right over to the Xbox. Great.

-He loves any and all food. Anything you put in front of him he will shove into his little mouth as fast as he can. It is kind of cute and kind of alarming.

-He is seriously one super happy baby. I mean really, I know he is my kid and I may be biased but he is so easy going. We drag him all around to track meets, football games, shopping, errands...and he is is all smiles 90% of the time. Except when the dog licks him. That seriously ticks him off. Tonight I brought the dog in the kitchen to eat the mess under his highchair after dinner (don't judge!) and the dog licked his face. Conor FREAKED OUT. Alrighty then.

-He generally sleeps pretty well. We put him down at 8pm and he is out until 5am. Then he nurses and is out again until 6:30-7am. Of course I probably just jinxed myself, he will be up all night this evening.

-He is super spoiled and super loved. He adores his siblings and they adore him.

I am around...

I am around these days, I just suck at blogging right now. I am trying to get used to my new normal. This working thing is so hard. I am exhausted. I am trying to stay really organized because it seems to really help. But good grief, it is so hard. I am just not very good at this, yet!

But on a positive note, I really like my new job. It is going to be really really really rewarding. I will be in a classroom setting type training for 3 months. Much of my training will include extensive training in medical terms, issues, diseases, and disorders. Right up my alley, I am pretty excited.

Anyway, I will be back to normal (well, my new normal) soon. I am 2 weeks behind on Project 52! Eek. I think I owe my blog 3 pictures this week to make up for it. I am planning the cutest photo session in my head that includes the baby and bunny ears and my new nifty fifty. Squee! I can't wait!

Happy Chaos

My little Conor has this cute little trick where he likes to happily scream really high pitched, sounding something like a baby Velociraptor. It is cute because he is my kid. I am quite certain others do not find it cute or endearing in any way. After today I am positive of this...

Picture it.

Two moms and ten children ranging in ages from 13 years old to 3 months old at a pizza restaurant during the noon hour. All the large tables were taken so we were spread out over 3 booths. All the kiddos are well behaved but even the quietest of chatter between 10 children can be a dull roar. Insert screeching baby into this happy chaos. Now if that was not bad enough another baby 3 booths down heard the screeching and decided that was a challenge. Every time my little guy took a break for some air that baby would start screeching too and once he took a break, mine would start screeching again. It was an old fashion screech off. I am sure the two business men at the booth next to us were thrilled with this situation. In our defense, it is a family friendly restaurant and they did come sit by two women and 10 kids on their own free will (there were other booths open, I swear).

This is my life, happy chaos. I love it.

The days are long but the years are short

My sweet little baby is 7 months old now? How in the world did that happen? How can my baby possibly be 7 months old? It happened so fast. Didn't I just bring him home last week?He still loves sweet potatoes and fruits are hit or miss. Some days he eats them but most days he can do without. He loves his siblings and I fear he might never crawl because someone always wants to hold him. Although, he has seemed to master the art of rolling all around to get what he wants. His best friends remain Sophie and Mothra. He is growing like a weed!

On that note, all my kids are growing like weeds. When you first have children everyone tells you that they grow up so fast. It seems rather cliché because you hear it all the time. I think you (well *I*) sort of took it for granted. But it really is true. I just finished filling out the high school pre-registration packet for my oldest. My baby starts high school next year. How did that happen? My 11 year old son starts middle school next year and we just filled out all that paperwork as well. How did that happen? My sweet little 8 year old will be all alone in elementary school. When people tell you it goes by fast, they are not kidding. It really does. The days are long but the years are short. *sob*

On the job front...well I have no news. I am feeling pretty down about that entire situation. I had one lead that I really thought was going to work out but it looks like it is not happening. I am pretty bummed out about it and feeling like a loser. I knew better than to get my hopes up but well, too late. I am a ball of stress about finances and my self esteem has been punched in the face. *sigh*

My middle schoolers start track in two weeks and my boys start spring tackle in a month. I am ready, they are ready. We all need to get out some more. I am feeling rather like a hermit these days. The kids need the exercise and in a sick sort of way, I love the busy schedule (well most of the time).

Today I was at Target getting some last minute items for Valentine's Day and I came across this little gem. It was splurge these days due to our super tight budget. But I figure it is a Valentine's Day gift to myself. Yummy!

I am not a morning person

I am not a morning person. I am a total night owl and I am one of those people who is most productive late afternoon/evening. I have always been that way.

But I have to admit, when I go back to work I am really going to miss my mornings with the baby. After the kids leave for school and the husband heads off to work the baby and I have our special little time together. We snuggle and watch the The Doctors and Kathie Lee and Hoda (don't judge, I already judge myself enough as it is) and I feed him oatmeal while I sip coffee/tea. I love every minute I spend with him but I really love those weekday mornings. I just cannot explain it.

I have been applying for jobs and I already have a few interviews lined up. I know that the process can take a while. But still, I know this time will end soon. It makes me a little sad. I am really going to miss our mornings together.