Weaning

I never imagined myself talking about weaning at this point. I have successfully breastfed all my children. The oldest two for a year and the younger two for 25 and 26 months.

With Conor, it has been a difficult road. We had some significant issues with his weight in the beginning. But after a lot of tears (both his and mine) we made it throught that initial hump. But as an experienced breastfeeding mom it was clear to me right from the beginning that I was not producing as much as I had in the past. I tried extra water, Fenugreek, Mother's Milk tea, oatmeal. Everything I that had always worked for me in the past. But I never produced like I had with my other children. But he was doing well so we kept at it. Then in March 2013 I started my new job and my pump and I started our love hate relationship. Despite all my best efforts, my supply tanked. It has been a struggle since then. Conor gets half breast milk and half formula at daycare now. I feel tremendously guilty. I am not really sure why...he is healthy and thriving.

I am dealing with a pretty significant health issue and I can no longer avoid medication. I have done extensive research and this medication is not ok for breastfeeding. He will be one soon and although I had hoped to nurse past age one, it is clear to me that will not happen. I cannot put off my medication any longer. The healthiest thing I can do for my baby and my older four children is to take this medication. It is the right thing to do for both them and me. I know this what needs to be done.

So why do I feel so crappy about it?