Confessions of a bad mom

I am a bad mom...I am feeding the baby store bought jarred baby food. I fed my older 4 children store bought baby food as well. Occasionally, I would puree something we were eating and I plan to do so again. He just started a few weeks ago (I am a stickler about waiting until 6 months to start solids). We never really use baby food all that long because once they get used to "solids" (are purees really solid, not really I guess?) I just start giving them what we eat. I just do not put a lot of pressure on eating solids. I make sure breastmilk is their primary nutrition the first year and that is my emphasis. My goal is to keep them nursing at least a year and do not worry much about anything else. I do not stress a lot about making sure they "eat" three times a day. Today he ate solids twice, yesterday he had them once. Maybe I should have just started Baby Led Weaning because I seem to do a hybrid of it as it is. I don't know. Here I am, five kids in and I am still unsure of this parenting gig.

Anyway, everyone else seems to be making their own baby food and I feel like sort of a slacker. For what it is worth though, he is thriving and super adorable despite eating Gerber baby food.

At the end of the day I am sure there are tons of other things I *should* be doing (cloth diapering, buying only organic, the list goes on and on) but at the end of the day my kids are healthy, clean, fed and happy. That is all a momma could want.

Prayer request

My friend's husband was diagnosed with a rare cancer in late October. It is terminal. They have four beautiful children and they are just the nicest people. I just feel so heartbroken for them. I just cannot imagine. Anyway, if you have any prayers or positive thoughts to send their way, it would be much appreciated.

If you are on Facebook, you can check out their story HERE.

Freezer Stash

I am trying to build up my freezer stash again. March will be here before we know it and I will be running the kids to track and football 4 and 5 days a week. When the kids are in sports and activities we eat late...at like 8pm. Eek.

I rely on the crockpot quite a bit. I also like to keep some quick meals in the freezer for those nights when the crockpot does not work out (read: on the days I forget to put something in the crockpot). I like to build up a freezer stash of burritos. I like to keep a mix of bean and cheese, chicken (of some sort), and breakfast burritos. Last night I made a bunch of breakfast burritos to freeze. I keep it pretty simple and they are so easy and so yummy. They freeze really well.

Breakfast Burritos
-tortillas
-eggs
-cheese
-potatoes
-green chile*
*Here in the Southwest we eat green chile on EVERYTHING. And I mean EVERYTHING. But, I make a few without green chile. My 12 year old is the only one who does not care for spicy food so I make a few plain burritos for him.

And for the nights I forget the crockpot and there is nothing in the freezer...I take the kids to McDonald's and we eat $1 McDoubles. It happens about once a week. No one will be giving me a Mother of the Year award anytime soon anyway. I am ok with it.

A little late-Project 52 week 4

There is nothing particularly special about this picture. It was a quick snapshot I took yesterday. For the first time in months I decided to attempt scrapbooking. I set up the pack and play with some toys for the baby next to my craft table. I drank coffee while watching Mirror Mirror on the iPad and scrapbooked while the baby played in the pack and play. Later that day, I walked by the pack and play and it sort of struck me that we have baby items all over the house, in every room. I never thought I would have that baby clutter in my home again. And I sort of love having it around. Every little toy, baby sock, blanket, bottle...every little item makes me smile.

How ruin your self esteem

They say that you should do what you love and the money will follow. If it were only that easy. I love crafting and drinking coffee. I am pretty sure no one is going to pay me to make crafts while drinking coffee and being snarky.

So instead of doing what I love (crafting, coffee, and snark), I am applying for jobs. Talk about a hit to the old self esteem. I apply for job after job and have heard nothing. Wait, that is not entirely true. I did hear back from a couple...to tell me that I suck and they are not going to even interview me. Ok, well it was not exactly worded like that but that is how it feels when you read those rejection letters. One employer sent me the same rejection letter for the same position, twice. OK, I get it.

Everyone asks me what kind of job I am looking for. I usually reply with, "One that pays at least $XX amount." People then laugh, they think I am being funny. I am, kind of. I do not want a ton of money but I need to at least cover daycare and still bring in a little something something.

My background is in social services. It is a field I enjoy but one that pays poorly. I would like to get my Masters in Social Work sometime soon but you need $$ to go to school. I am also a few credit hours shy or applying to the College Of Nursing at the nearby University. But again, there is that whole money thing.

They say that money will not buy you happiness. I am here to tell you that, money would indeed buy me happiness these days.

*sigh*

AND to add insult to injury my daughter came home with her high school registration packet today. *sob*

(The above image was found HERE)

He found his voice

...and it is sort of like having a baby Velociraptor in the house.



We also had our well baby check on Monday. Baby Conor is 15 lbs 7 oz and 27 inches long. He is now sitting up unassisted, eating solids, holding his own bottle, and gets cuter EVERYDAY! I am trying to teach him to growl because, well, because I think growling babies are cute.

I love him so much.

Peanut Butter Cheerio Treats- Pinterest Success!

I love Pinterest so much. It feeds my crafty soul. Some of the ideas I have tried to recreate from Pinterest have been a giant fail. Others have been quite successful. But every time I successfully make a craft or recipe that I found on Pinterest I feel so triumphant. Today was one of those days. I made Peanut Butter Cheerio Treats. For once I already had everything on hand.

Peanut Butter Cheerio Treats

-1 c. sugar
-1 c. corn syrup
-1 c. creamy peanut butter
-1 t. vanilla
-5 c. Cheerios

In a large sauce pan, combine sugar and corn syrup and bring to boil over medium heat. Allow mixture to boil for one minute and remove from heat. Add peanut butter and vanilla to mixture and mix until smooth. Add Cheerios and mix until all coated. Drop mixture by spoonful onto waxed paper and allow to cool. Makes approximately 2 dozen.

These were super easy, super yummy and have zero nutritional value (ok, that is not entirely true. The peanut butter has protein. Ha ha). They were a huge hit, my kids loved them.

Found some motivation today

The weather was beautiful today so I found the motivation to go for a run (and by run I mean really slow jogging). I only made it about a mile and a half but it starts with baby steps, right?

And I have *the* cutest running buddy, EVER!

Project 52- Week 3

It snowed this week. I hate, loathe and despise snow. Actually, I just hate being cold. Anything below 70 degrees and I am freezing. When it snows, my entire city practically shuts down. We are not used to snow in the Southwest.

But it sure is pretty.

Operation-Sleep in Crib

The above two items are on their way to my home to help me with the crib transition. I am also planning on some sort of sleep training. I am not sure what yet. I do not think I can handle full on Ferber and anything Babywise is out of the question. I am thinking Pantley or Weissbluth approach but I need to do some more research before I decide. Or maybe a combination, I just don't know.

Good grief. I have 5 children and I am still at a loss. *sigh*

Time for some changes

I am just not in a good place place right now.

My self esteem is at an all time low. I need to lose weight. I am really down in the dumps about my job/financial situation. I am just feel really down and lost about everything. I realize that part of my feelings are due to PPD. However, many of the others issues I do have control of and the power to change. And that is what I intend to do.

1. Weight loss- Well this one is a no brainer. It may not be easy but it is something I have the control to change. I have a beautiful jogging stroller that needs to be used more. I have always enjoyed running. I promised my daughter I would run a race with her this May. I need to just get out there and do it. Truthfully, I meant to to hit it hard this week but a biter cold snap hit us the past few days. Running with a baby in temperatures in the teens is not an option. That said, a jogging stroller is not necessary for sit-ups, push-ups, crunches, etc. It is hard to get started but I *know* I will feel so much better about myself and eventually the physical changes will follow.

2. Job Hunting- I need to make sure I am submitting at least one application a day. I have been good about this the past week but I need to make sure I continue to stay consistent. The source of much of my stress is financial. Once I am working again I will feel better about a lot of things that are upsetting me lately. I have to do what is best for my family and working outside the home is what is best for us. I have applied for about 10 positions in the past few days so we will see what happens.* :::fingers crossed:::

3. Recharge- I need to take care of myself. I have fallen into a slump. I have turned into a martyr. I have been needlepointing on and off since I was 10. I have some unfinished projects that could use my attention. I also want to play with my camera a little more and learn to use it beyond "auto". I need to take time to recharge even if it is only a few minutes every day.

*I received my first rejection letter today. Ugh, I know it goes with the territory but man does it suck to be rejected. Oh well, such is life.

Sleep Woes

I am having a little sleep issue. And by me, I mean the baby.

The baby sleeps very well at night. He has been sleeping in a nice long 5-6 hour stretch since he was about 2 months old. Then he wakes up, nurses and sleeps for another few hours before waking to eat again. He sleeps in a FP Rock and Play. We need to transition him to the crib because he is too big for the Rock and Play. He tried to sit up in it and it is not safe anymore. Secondly, the Rock and Play was recalled due to mold issues. Thankfully, ours does not have mold. Fisher Price is offering a voucher for the retail price on any other Fisher Price product. I am planning taking the voucher and using it towards a high chair.

Ok, here is the issue. He hates the crib. Hates it. I can't really blame him. To go from that snuggly little bed to a big crib...I would prefer the snuggly little bed too. I just do not know what to do.

Any ideas?

6 months

My sweet baby is 6 months old already! How did that happen? Everyone tells you that they grow up so fast. Oh my goodness, that is so very true. My heart is so happy but breaking at the same time. Babies don't keep.

Project 52-Week 2

Project 52- Week 2
When I met my husband he drove a jeep. Not just any jeep, a 1986 CJ-7. He loved that jeep. Turns out all jeep enthusiasts love CJ-7's. We would go out to eat or shopping and once we returned to the parking lot we would find notes on the windshield asking us to please call if we decide to sell.

That jeep was my husband's baby. He swore that he would name his first son CJ. I laughed. How silly, who names a child after a car? I mean, really. As our family grew to three we knew we needed a family car. And as much as he loved his jeep it needed constant maintenance. Maintenance we really could not afford. Eventually we sold it after the birth of our first child. He still loves that jeep and hopes to buy another jeep at some point.

This hard shell is all that we have left of that jeep. It sits in the yard of my in-law's home. I took this picture on Christmas day.

By the way, did I mention our firstborn son is named CJ?

Valentine's Day Craft

My poor mantle looks so sad without the stockings. I decided to dress it up a bit. I first attempted to make a paper garland that resembled Sweetheart candies but that was a giant fail. This is what I came up with instead.

Materials:
-small embroidery hoop
-ribbon
-hot glue gun
-embellishments of your choice (I used buttons, flowers, tulle, decorative straight pins, and felt shapes)


I wish I had a couple more hoops so I could have made a total of six. But this is what I had on hand.

Taking down Christmas

I barely got around to taking down my Christmas tree and decorations today. I know, I know. I always procrastinate because I just love my Christmas tree, it makes my heart so very happy. I love each and ever ornament that adorns my tree (even the Batman and Star Wars ornaments that seem to dominate the tree). Plus it is a little tricky trying to get things done with a sweet baby that is still nursing every 2 hours. But I managed to get all the tree decorations off and tomorrow I will get all the rest of the odds and ends and pack them away until next year. Bittersweet.

My Christmas decorations make me so very happy so it is hard to put them away. When I was a little girl my sister and I used to fall asleep listening to cassette tapes (yes, I am dating myself). One of our favorites was a Sesame Street tape that included the song "Keep Christmas With You All Through The Year." Like the nerd that I am, that song runs through my head constantly as I pack away all those decorations.


*sigh* Goodbye Christmas 2012.

Sweet Dreams

One night in late October 2011 I dreamt that I was pregnant. It was one of the most vivid dreams I have ever experienced. You know, one of those dreams that just feels so very real?

In my dream, I could feel the baby inside of me and when the dream baby was born I could feel the baby's soft feathery hair, soft skin and smell the baby's sweet baby scent. When I woke up it took me a minute to realize I was only dreaming. I felt sad because I was thinking about how I would never again experience that. I had Essure, my tubes were blocked. Our family was complete. Our baby days were long gone.

I reflected on that dream all day as I sat at work. I felt really bittersweet about it all. I was happy to be in a new place in my life and happy to have different experiences to enjoy. The kids were older and fun in a "big kid" way. They are independent, funny and just fun little people all around. But it is hard not to be wistful for those baby days at times. That was a precious time. Babies don't keep.

About a week after that dream I started getting really sick. Long story short, I was pregnant at the time I had that dream. My body knew, *I* just did not know yet.

I am not going to lie. Finding out I was pregnant was stressful. First of all, there was a concern about Ectopic pregnancy. Luckily, that was not the case. I went on to have a healthy pregnancy and a very healthy baby boy.

And that dream is now my reality and I am so very happy about that.

Success!

We did it! The kids all made it to school on time and most of my goals were accomplished today.

Although, we narrowly averted disaster. I woke up at this morning and looked at my clock and noticed it was blinking. I realized the power went out at some point in the middle of the night and I had a mini heart attack thinking we had over slept. Turns out it was only 5am so I reset my clock and went back to sleep for an hour.

Everyone got up in time to eat breakfast. Everyone had clean clothes to wear and knew where their shoes and backpacks were located (it's a miracle). I put chicken in the crockpot for dinner both this evening and tomorrow evening. The littles made it to bus on time. I braved the middle school drop off traffic (the bane of my existence, I hate that traffic but continue to subject myself to it on a daily basis). The baby and I made it to our coffee date on time. I swilled coffee and gossiped with my friend while the baby napped. AND my friend gave us some cloth diapers, more on that later. All in all, today was a success.

I am ready to do it all again tomorrow.

I even took down my Christmas Wreath and put up my Valentine's wreath!

But my Christmas trees is still up...tomorrow, I can always tackle that tomorrow, right?

Back to the grind

Christmas break is over and the kids go back to school tomorrow. Ugh. I am not really looking forward to it. I just really dislike being in the school routine. Worrying about permission slips, school pictures, homework, reading logs, doling out money left and right. Yuck. It is just not my thing. Not because I dislike doing these things for my kids but because I just get overwhelmed easily (Note to self: STOP sweating the SMALL stuff).

And mornings, well I am just not a morning person. I wish I could tell you I was one of those awesome mom's who wakes her kids up with hot cocoa and kisses while gentle rubbing their backs. I am not. I am not a morning person. Not at all. I barely drag myself out of bed and stumble to their rooms to wake them up. My husband still tells people that he was horrified (yes horrified) when he discovered just how grumpy I am in the mornings. My 11 and 8 year old are also not morning people. They are so grumpy in the mornings. And of course they are the first two that have to get up because their bus arrives at 7:10am. They are not happy campers in the mornings. Sometimes I start to get frustrated and wonder where they get it from. Oh wait...

I think that part of the problem is that I am not as organized as I would like to be. I have all these great ideas about organization but I am really awful at the execution part of my plans. I really want to work on that especially since I will be working again (soon?). Today I spent the day catching up on laundry. I made a bunch of hard boiled eggs for the kids to eat for breakfast. I made snacks for my little guys (my middle schoolers are too cool for snacks), coffee maker is ready to go, kids are bathed, backpacks are packed. I even have dinner planned. I think we are ready.

I am feeling ambitious because I also plan to get in a pumping session (need to build up my freezer stash again) before it is time for the big kids to leave. I agreed to a coffee date after I drop off the middle schoolers. AND I am planning to get in a run after my coffee date.

Hopefully I am able to execute this grand plan tomorrow. Stay tuned.

I already know I am being over sensitive but...

Today at work I had an interesting interaction with a customer. First of all, let me be the first to admit I am an over sensitive person. I recognize that my over sensitive nature is a flaw but what can I say, I am who I am. Maybe I am reading way too much into this incident but it is still bothering hours later.

Customer: I really like you top. I shop here all the time...I know it is not from here. winks at me Where did you get it?
Me: Oh, thank you! This is my favorite blouse. I bought it at White House Black Market.
Customer: Wow, I wasted years at college. smiles and laughs I should have just applied here if they are paying you enough to shop at White House Black Market. Well, thanks for your help!

She then smiled and walked off. What the what??

Ok, first of all I AM A COLLEGE graduate. I am currently home with my baby. I work part time at Kohl's to you know, help put food on the table. Secondly, I bought the top about 3 years ago when I was working full time. It was on clearance. AND I paid with a gift card. The gift card was a birthday gift from my mom who knows I love White House Black Market and that I stalk their clearance because I am a thrifty shopper. And lastly, well it just felt like an insult to people that work in retail. I wanted to run after her and justify myself. Why?! I have no idea. I do not need to justify myself to anyone.

I also felt like she thought she was somehow superior to those who work in retail. I firmly believe that if everyone had to do some time in retail or food service that the world would be a better place. Customer service is hard work. We have bred a society of entitled people that believe the customer is always right and let me tell you...they are not. Not even close.

I have worked lots of retail over the years. I worked with many intelligent people. Some college educated and some not. But they were all (well most of them) hard working individuals with the patience of saints.

Anyway, the whole incident rubbed me the wrong way and I can't stop thinking about it. Again, maybe I am just reading into this way too much.

Project 52- Week 1

I have always loved the idea of 365 and 52 challenges. I have always wanted to participate in one. I decided that since I have a new camera that this is the perfect time to start. Realistically I will never be good about a daily picture post. I take pictures daily but uploading and writing an entry is a whole other story. Therefore a 365 challenge is out of the question. But I can handle a weekly post. My goals for this challenge are to document my life/family and to learn how to use my camera. Oh, and to actually complete it! Ha ha! I give you Project 52-Week 1

I am bored

When my kids tell me they are bored I give them a "mom" response. I tell them that I have some chores they can do or "Boring people are bored." But I admit it, *I* am bored.

Football and Cross country ended in late October. Then my 12 year old broke his arm in September so he was not able to wrestle when football ended. My 11 and 8 year old choose not to wrestle or play basketball. My daughter was part of Cross Country and the cooking club, both activities ended in October. This fall I was going crazy trying to get all three boys to practice and my daughter to cross country meets 5-6 days a week with a newborn in tow. I was so READY for the break.

Here were are, on our sports break and I ready to start the madness again. The truth is that as much as I LOVE cheering the kids on...I like the adult interaction. When I was working full time I like the adult interaction outside of office talk. Once I was home with the baby it was nice to be out of the house nursing the baby in an outdoor folding chair rather than my couch. I like chatting with the other parents.

Many of my friends work or they are home schooling older kiddos. Funds dictate that I stay home most of the time so museums, shopping trips, coffee dates, are out of the question. I am feeling really isolated and incredibly lonely. I look forward to the kids getting home from school every day so I am not alone. Sad, I know.

Next week I am starting a running program with a friend (and by running I mean a combination of walking and slowly jogging). I have a brand new jogging stroller, new running shoes and 5 kids worth of baby fat. I have no excuses. Anyway, I hope that helps my funk.

And if not, well track and spring tackle begin in March. I always have that to look forward to.

Please feel free to remind me of the above comment when I start complaining about football 3 months from now.